Feeling Down

There have been a lot of personal things stacking up to add to my increasing health issues. My dog had another seizure, though thankfully not as bad as the first. I had to cut someone I considered a best friend from my life. My life is not, by any means, going according to plan… My relationship has gotten better in some big ways, but worse in some small ways that eat away at my insides like a virus I can’t shake. 

Sometimes I question why this all came to be. Why me? Why them? Why this? 

The other day I simply came to the realization that I will, in fact, be in a wheelchair at some point of my life. I’m already questioning if I need a cane already. My 21st birthday is in a few days, at the beginning of next month. I don’t see any celebrating happening. Not for me. 

Today I learned the extent of being unable to feel sensation in my legs. A large piece of glass was evidently on my shoe for at least half the day. I, questioning why I felt so off kilter, was confused by it all until I took my shoes off and found it. I had to put gauze and tape on the wound, as it would not stop bleeding. I can’t feel the pain, but the wound is there anyway. 

I’m hoping to find help. I need it. 

Until then…

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The Scare

So, yesterday was the first ever seizure my dog, Sidka, has ever had. The seizure itself lasted for a good few minutes, and when he came to, he was aggressive and disoriented. 

Now, my eldest sister got bit during the ordeal and is terrified of him. The only reason she was called was her experience as a vet. 

She expressed her want to have him put down. But, you wouldn’t do that to a human, and I don’t want to do that to my dog. 

I now have to keep him away from my niece and nephew when they are around, and now my eldest sister who is off of work the next few days. I’m not sure what to do. 

If there was someone we knew in the area that would take care of him and know what to do, it would be one thing. But right now, there isn’t and I’m not going to put my baby boy down just because he’s sick. 

The vet says that most dogs often only have one seizure in a lifetime. Sidka is on seizure medicine because it lasted so long and was so strong for his first seizure. 

If anyone has ever dealt with this and can give me some advice, that would be great. I live in a crowded, small 3 bedroom “house” and have no money to move thanks to a very high rent keeping me in place. 

I live in the deep boonies. Where the people believe the only good animal is a dead one and the “Humane Society” here is the pound- where you’re lucky if they hold a dog for a week before they kill them. 

Please, help.

Broken

 I’m not sure what happened. He was sleeping on the couch and then went into convulsions. My family managed to get him to come to and he was fine for a full minute. 

That’s when all hell broke lose. He lunged at my mother and my sister had to grab him by the collar. He was biting and snapping and he got my sister on the arms. She got him locked up in a room by himself and we called the vet. 

My father and second-eldest sister are taking care of it now. My niece and nephew are with their biological father because we wanted them safe. All of my other animals are locked in a separate room where they are safe.

I am currently sitting in an Emergency Room and my sister just got called back. I feel broken. I raised him from a puppy the day I rescued him out of freezing rain. He was my butterball. 

I’m not sure what happened because nothing changed in the times before it happened. He’s an inside dog and came in no contact with anything that could have caused this. His food hasn’t changed, either.

I don’t know if I can handle this on top of everything else. My neurology appointment is in 2 weeks. I just healed up from surgery. 

I am worried about everything now. 

My sister got him outside. He’s calmer now. But I can’t take the chance. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring him inside. I can’t handle this.